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demons in your head

Posted on by Alex Carter

I wish there was a way to kill yourself and see how everyon who you knew reacts and then depending on that choose whether to stay alive or not if that wer e the case is kill myself right this second the sad thing is nobody ever knows how much anyone else is hurting we could be standiǹ next to somebody who is completely broken and we wouldn’t even know it twinkle twinkle little star let me get hit by a car how I really wish to die jump of the roof and try to fly twinkle twinkle little knife help me and this wretched life the demons are back and stronger than ever they are looking for a flight looking to win and this time I might just let them

depression

Posted on by Alex Carter

it is sad that some people aren’t waiting for their happy ending anymore they’re just waiting for the end and suddenly nothing even mattered anymore all I wanted was to sleep forever I don’t even know what’s wrong with me any more im used to it in used to people leaving I’m n used to bring all alone I’m used to having no one so just go leave I’m used to anyway I can’t swim any longer I can’t hold my breath I’ve been trying so hard but the waves are slowly pulling me under and I think i ‘ll let them I wanted to write down exactly how I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it and I could not have described it any better honestly I hold in a lot when I’m upset I really don’t like to tell anyone especially the person wh o made me that way no matter how much anyone asks the answer will always be in fine even if it’s not true

A Suicide note:

Posted on by Alex Carter

If you haven’t noticed

the scars on my hips

or the fake smiles on my lips

Or the forced laughs that I’ve adopted

or the way I don’t care

about the things that I used to love

then don’t you dare stand

at my grave and cry

how can you cry for someone

that you don’t even know?

I don’t have a flat stomach

I don’t have gorgeous clothes

I don’t have long,lovely hair

I don’t have perfect nails,or perfect lips

I have scars on my body

I have cried myself to sleep more times

than I can count

I have a heart

and I’ve had it broken

I have had my trust thrown on my face

but I will love you endlessly

I will love you completely

just please don’t hurt me

I can’t take it

anxiety

Posted on by Alex Carter

I know my anxiety may annoy you but imagine being the one with it

i hate getting flashbacks from things i do not want to remember

im sorry i was not good enough but i tried to be

im sorry i have trust issues but when you give someone everything and they toss it away like nothing something inside of you breaks

isnt it sad when you get hurt so much you can finally say im used to it

Acceptance

Posted on by Alex Carter

Acceptance is the hardest part of recovery process of trauma.abuse is never the victims fault.your not alone either ,there are many people including myself who have gone through trauma from childhood abuse.remember it takes time and every one recovers at different stages but there are people out there who care.many people build up emotional barriers and gain trust issue s and it is common that they will blame themselves for what happened. it’s no your fault it’s the abusers fault.I fought years of being too scared to tell anyone but when I finally told someone even though it was difficult and scary it was a lot of weight of my shoulders and chest and I finally started to get the support.please though if you or anyone you know is being abused please tell someone like the police ,you deserve to be supported.😭thank you😭😭💔

Fading….😭

Posted on by Alex Carter

Don’t judge me if you don’t understand,
Don’t play with my feelings,
You know I’m easily emotional and weak,
Don’t come and go-
my mental health isn’t a reason to leave

I thought you would stay,
you promised you’d never
Leave my side,
But now you’ve gone away,
And I’m left in the darkness
Of my thoughts,
To cry alone,

I thought you understood
clearly you are deceiving,
You make me feel so special
Then make me vulnerable as
You shout in my face ,

I wiped your tears when
You cried,
I gave you my love
When you were alone
I did everything
But you still left…

I came running
At your smallest calls
But if I need you
You don’t come at all
I forfeit sleep
To make sure you’re okay
But you won’t make
Time for me any day
We talk when you want
Then I’m ignored
I’m left wondering
If you just got bored
You push me away
Knowing I’ll reappear
But one of these days
I just won’t be here

letter to nana

Posted on by Alex Carter

nana,i know you wont get this but i want you to know that i love you,and i miss you so much.ive always been a nannys girl so the fact i cant contact you breaks my heart.i miss the times you’d sit by my bed,holding me close until i fell asleep,i miss our midnight feasts we had together,i miss the shopping trips we had,i just miss everything about you,from your warm heart,comforting hugs to your beautiful smile,nana i miss you.

breaking apart

Posted on by Alex Carter

Behind my smile is

A breaking heart,

Behind my laugh

I’m falling apart,

Behind my eyes

Are tears at

Night,behind my

Body is a soul

Trying to fight.

Grief is like

Living two lives.

One is where you

Pretend that

Everything is

alright,and the

Other is where

Your heart

Silently screams

In pain.